Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my sisters under your porch take her home
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
