Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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