No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
