I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
