every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
