before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
