dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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