hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
