I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
