I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
