I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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