They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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