if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
