Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
