Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
