Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
