You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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