I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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