ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
