so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
