HIV tests are more positive than that guy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
