Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
