He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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