i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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