worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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