Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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