Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
