I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
