WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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