lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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