my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
