I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The adults are the big ones right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
