come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
not ubering you a puppy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
