her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
