I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think people are normalizing furries
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
