I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
