dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
