Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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