Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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