Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
