i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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