Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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