I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
