When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
