We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
