I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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