i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So squirting runs in the family.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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