I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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