im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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