i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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