Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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