the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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