the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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