oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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