THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
