Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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