I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
