I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
