I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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