That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
