Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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