Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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