Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
