he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
