pop tarts are not kleenex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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