she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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