The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
