Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
