i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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