I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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