I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
