You made me cry and you don't even care
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
