If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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