She went from zero to smokin in five shots
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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