A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
