I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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