WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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