How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life