i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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