woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's like heaven, but drunker
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
