so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
