tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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