Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
