i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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