she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
